My Life's Scrapbook

Friday, March 19, 2010

"I think we have an emergency!"




Emergency by Paramore
I think we have an emergency
I think we have an emergency

If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong
Cause I won't stop holding on

So are you listening?
So are you watching me?

If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong
Cause I won't stop holding on.

This is an emergency
So are you listening?

And I can't pretend that I don't see this

it's really not your fault
When no one cares to talk about it
[To talk about it]

Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive (deserved to be alive)
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserved to be alive (alive)

So you give up every chance you get
Just to feel new again

I think we have an emergency
I think we have an emergency

And you do your best to show me love,
but you don't know what love is.

So are you listening?
So are you watching me?

Well I can't pretend that I don't see this

But it's really not your fault
When no one cares to talk about it
[to talk about it?]

Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive (deserved to be alive)
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserved to be alive (alive)

Scars, they will not fade away.

No one cares to talk about it, can we talk about it?

Cause I've seen love die
Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive (deserved to be alive)
I've seen you cry
Way too many times
When you deserved to be alive (alive)


Ok... So maybe it's not as dire as I think it is, but it feels life stopping to me. (drama queen much?)




Last summer I was in this program to get college credits in psychology and computer. Well, I met this guy... well I slowly began to fall for him. Now I know that I probably have NO chance in hell with him, but he just texted me to ask to go to the movies with me and my best friend tomorrow. 

You wanna know the first thing that pops in my head?
Not "I wonder what movie we'll see."
Not "Oh! It's gonna be so much fun"

No. It's the fact that I'm 5lbs HEAVIER than when he last saw me!

FUCK ME! Is it the fact that I'm trying not to purge? Shit! Maybe I should just keep purging, because I can't stand this.

Plus, since it'll be him, me, and my best friend I'll look HUGE because she is sooo TINY but eats like a fucking horse.

Of course I blurred her to protect her privacy.
I can still love her and envy her at the same time. :P

I don't plan on making him my soul mate, I'm a realist, but I just wished I could have blow him out of the water if I were thinner...

I'm really freaking out! What can I do.

So far, I stayed up really late last night so that I could sleep in and avoid breakfast. I did 20 mins of cardio.
Had a protien shake (120 cals for 23g of protien)
and now I'm gonna do another hour of cardio while watching My Big Fat Diet Show on YouTube. I wish I lived in the UK to get those kinds of shows on TV... stupid Amarican television programing...

Anywho, I'm begging for some HELP!

-Vizzy

1 comment:

Lillie said...

The diet shows are a plus in the UK, but do you know what we miss?
Diet Jello :)
Never seen it anywhere in the UK in my life, and I've only ever had it when I've been abroad :(

I hope meeting this guy goes okay for you! If you think he thinks she's thinner than you then punch her in the face :P
xxx