My Life's Scrapbook

Tuesday, May 29, 2012


Finally my first fucking year of college is over. Just 3 more to go until I get me B.A. in Psychology. Ugh. I'm so tired.

For the past week I have been getting about 3 hours of sleep each night because I was too busy studying and writing papers *facepalm*

I'm done now. I don't know how I did and won't until perhaps sometime in June. It scares me because I really want to do well. :/

Well on a different and non academic note. I have developed the habit of drinking to destress.  It is fine and I have never gotten sick like that one night that I explained to y'all. 

One weekend, when I went out I happened to dance with this guy. Whatever, probably a fluke and we'll never see each other again. I was okay with that since I didn't really know him or see him around campus. 

Then he danced with me again at a different party... then finally last weekend. It's like he found me at EVERY party.

So I decided, what the hell, I'm not just gonna look for him and add him on Facebook. Just get to know who the fuck this random ass guy was that I happened to dance with all the time. When I added him, he sprung up a conversation almost immediately. I found to that he is actually a pretty cool and funny guy. He asked me if we could hang out monday (yesterday) before he left. (He's an international student). I said yes, but forgot that I told a different friend that I would hang out at his frat and drink.

I decided that I could split the time, but it ended up being that I couldn't hang out with him because I didn't know that he was leaving at 3 a.m. He called me right before he left and when he saw me he got out of the cab and hugged me. I felt like such a bitch for not hanging out with him like I said I would. 

I felt REALLY bad, but then the next morning I see this text from him "Hey! I'm about to board right now. Thanks for showing up. I almost thought I wasn't gonna see ya! :)"

My friends all say that he has a crush on me but I just don't know. I know I'm personally the kind of person that refuses to invest my feeling toward someone until I know that they are at least a little interested in me.

Should I like him? Why would/should anyone ever like me?

ugh. Emotions are complicated, but I have a whole 3 months until I see him in person again. We'll just have to see if we are still talking over the summer break. :/

Sincerely confused,
- Vizzy

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Someone like me?

Good God it's been FOREVER since I've had time to get on here. I'm beyond behind on all the blogs that I haven't had the chance to read (about 4 moths of blog entries that I have not gotten to). I am so sorry! Believe me! I have been wanting to get on here, but school os eating my lunch and kicking my ass.

I've been using parting on the weekend as my new escapist behavior. (That's slightly better than constantly cutting and purging, right? Or am I just making excuses?)

On that note, I'm about 97% positive that roommate has been purging. There are just too many things that I see her do that I have done.
Examples behind my reasoning:
          - taking out the trash often even if it isn't full
          - late night puking [although the first time I heard it I gave her the benefit of the doubt and just thought she was really sick with the flu]
          - spraying air freshener after "taking out trash"
          - just the general noises that go with purging [although i'm a fairly silent purger]

and is it sick that I went out to the trash in the hall to check the bag she tossed and it seemed to have small vomit type chunks. Didn't want to get to into it though. Yuck! (But I mean REALLY? She didn't even tie up the bag. Dumb move.)

I really don't know what to do with this information. I don't want to confront her because I wouldn't want to be confronted myself. I mean, what is there to do? We all know that there is no getting better if we are not ready to get better.

I don't know. All I know is that I'm huge and now I feel the need to compete with her even though she's already smaller than me. (Who the fuck isn't!? I'm a fatty -_- )

Que serĂ¡, serĂ¡. (Whatever will be, will be.)