My Life's Scrapbook

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Happy New Years Eve Eve

Well how are all of you enjoying your time off?

Well, everyone knows that this a time of change. A time to start new and fresh.
Well, my resolution is to get control over my binges.

Now I'm not the type of person to make resolutions because I don't like to set myself up for failure, but this needs to be done.
Over this holiday season, the scale says I have gained TEN POUNDS.


But now it is time to change it all.

Join my with whatever resolutions you are going to make.
Feel free to message or comment.


Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry F*$&ing Christmas


Today had been okay up to the last 5 minutes.

I was inspired to create my own blog after reading Kat's (a code name) "TheQuestForPerfection". I'll admit that I haven't been on in a while, and when I logged on I see that she had some post.

I clicked and got the message that the page no longer exist...
I did it again
and again
just to get the same message.

i think I have slight abandonment issues. I would follow this girl and read what she had to say pretty much with an obsession. I felt like she was one of the few people that would understand me.

Right now I feel... alone, used, abandoned.

Fuck you if you think I sound "emo" and need to just "get over it". This girl was a cyber friend that knows EXACTLY how I feel. From cutting to anorexia and bulimia.

I felt like I might have been on the track of recovery.
Now.... now I feel like I'm slipping.

Where, you ask?
I don't know. but it doesn't feel good.
Anorexia is fucking screaming in my head...


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Long time no see

I am in the midst of finals week :S
So much freaking stress!!!!!!!!!

I freaking hate myself soo much.

Yesterday I binged, not because I was hungry from restricting, but because I just hate myself THAT much. It's really hard to explain...

My mother is always fucking yelling at me in the morning that I make her late and the I don't rush. FUCK HER! She doesn't know what the fuck my fast and slow is. It fucking frustrates me so much! I usually end up cutting in the morning before school.

I feel so fucking pathetic... I'm sitting outside my classroom what i'm gonna have a final in at noon and I'm watching thinspo!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... I just want to fucking die. My body hurts. It feels like I've been beaten but i think it's because my bones are getting closer to the surface and when i sleep they press on my skin. but i'm fucking HUGE! i don't understand it! Last time I checked I weighed 160, but the batteries are dead in the scale so I have no fucking clue what I weigh now. Feels like I've gained 6028204 lbs by just thinking about food. ugh

(I'm sorry this whole message is so random, but I'm tired (4-5 hrs per night) ... haven't eaten in 14 hours [really want to hold this fast out for at least 24hrs] and my brain is just messed up.)

Hoping i die soon,