Illusion or reality

Life without a scale is driving me fucking crazy. Since being in college from the end of August to now, I haven't weighed myself.

I'm looking at myself in the mirror and just seeing all this nastiness of my body grow. I don't know if my mind is just doing it or if I am getting fatter. I feel like shit when I can't exercise at the school's gym. Ugh! I need release. I just need to get better.

Better at school
better looking
a better friend
a better roommate
a better student

i'm just not good enough...

Good God, I'm so fucking tired of this damn paper. 800-1000 words of what movies mean to me *facepalm*. Also to add to the stress I have 2 test tomorrow.

I just freaking love college!


p.s. This was to tell y'all that I'm alive, but I may still not be after tomorrow. FML.

-Vizzy

College makes life so much more busy. Kind really sucks. Plus I have a job as one of the students that calls alumni to donate money to the school :S

Well I hope all of yall have been doing better than me cause let me tell you... I got assigned my first big paper Friday then purged twice... Fucking fantastic right? No, the answer is no.

Blah... I'm just scared shitless of failure. I just feel like I suck at everything. I'm not an attention seeker that most think of, but more in the normal girl way. Wah I mean is that I want guys to fucking notice me and just find me attractive. I feel fucking ugly that it doesn't help to have the world agreeing with me, you know? Fuck.

I'm tired and working on homework (a.k.a. Fuck ton of reading which I fear will not stay in my brain past tonight.)

Does any of this even make sense? I don't even know anything anymore.

I'm in my dorm

In case you don't subscribe to me on YouTube, I just wanted you all to know that I have now moved in. The room is still kinda a mess because I haven't had time to go to the mail room and get my HUGE boxes of all my shit I mailed to the school. I just have my clothes folded under my bed :/ I'm hoping to get my stuff tomorrow so I can finally hang my clothes and have all my other random crap.

I hope you are all well, but I'm gonna make this extremely short cause I'm tired.

Night!
-Vizzy