My Life's Scrapbook

Monday, August 16, 2010

Keep on keeping on.

Ok. After yesterdays monsterness of a binge, and first time purging in a while, I'm taking the reins back!

It's my life and I refuse to give my control to the need to binge and purge! Starting to apply for college is already stressful enough, I don't need more stress.

So today, I'm starting to lower my cals. I had 700 today and I'm gonna workout while watching tv soon.

Just wanted to let yall know this.


p.s. Peridot (G+P), thank you so much on that tip for reading. I'll definitely be trying that this school year. But do you just have a book on a desk? Basically  what I want to know is, will it hurt my neck to be looking down while walking in place?

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Oh Habits Die Hard!

Oh boy, I wish the habits would just crash, burn and DIE!

Ugh. So ever since I've been back it seems like my fullness meter is broken. I haven't been able to restrict the way I was in Mexico. PLUS I don't walk as much because I've been having to catch up on all my school work. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!

I know the scale says I've put on weight which is really triggering me. Yeasterday I was barely able to escape the need to purge, but after 12 weeks of being free.... I purged as soon as soon as my family left. I just couldn't handle it.

I'm so sorry that I have let you all down.
I need you all more than ever, I don't want to go back into bulimia.

I need to go and to some exercise videos and try to get rid of this weigh before wednesday.


this is the goal I need to keep in mind.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Nasty Pics

Ok. I'm about to do the unthinkable.

I'm going to post pic of myself!
If you are weak of stomach, please go no further.


The first is me at one of my higher weights. Probably 240-260lbs


Here is where I'm at now. As of this afternoon I'm 161lbs. Not satisfied, but it's where i am.

Ugh. I must be really tired or just out of it to put this nastyness up. :/

Until later,

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Yo yo yo, what up!


Oh how I hve so much to tell you all.

Basically I really want to talk about me going out dancing if you all don't mind. Trust me, it's juicy if you know the type of person I am.

Well the first 2 weekends that Robert (math teacher, he's a college senior), Giselle (Language arts and English teacher) and my bff Maya (Giselle's intern) went out clubbing, I didn't go out. I just didn't want to have to pay a cover to get in just to dance. The purpose of the cover is that if you drink it's open bar... but I don't.

Anywho, the next week end it was just us girls cause Robert was tired. We went to the club that they had been going to because Maya is very "popular" there (She was in a wet t-shirt concert) and I got in free. 

After dancing for about 5 minutes, I was aproached by an attractive man. We talked while we danced. His 24 and lives in Acapulco. I thought it was funny that he thought I would be weirded out of his age because I told him my real age, 17. We danced for a long while and grinded. Super fun!

Later another guy grinded between me and Giselle. XD That was... interesting but fun too!

The next thursday it was just us girls again. This night was... interesting in a bad way. We went somewhere, we met a nice couple that invited us to dance. When we got to the second place, some random creepy guy invited himself from the first place. Well he tried to get me and Giselle to dance with him. At one point a salsa song came on. I didn't want to dance but he pulled me to dance with him. I was just trying to be polite. His hand slipped on to my butt once, but I let it go thinking it was just an accident. Then he puts his hand on my butt and squeezed it and said "you have a nice butt". That shocked me, and I was looking for Giselle to save me (we made a pact to help the the other) but she was in the restroom. Then when he turned me, he stops. Then he told me "Oh, I forgot what I was doing for a minute because I was looking at your chest." Ugh! Basically Giselle finally saved me the couple we met, that guy asked him to leave and everything was ok. 

Then friday was our last night. We were out dancing the whole night away. Just a little more of the same, grinding w 2 cute guys :)

Now your probably thinking: "Why the hell does she think this is interesting?"
Please give me a minute to explain myself. 

You all know that I have been fat my ENTIRE life. My highest weight was 260, so attention from guys has never been there. It's not like my self esteem is here. To be honest I had never even danced with a guy until this trip. YEA! I still think I look like shit, but the fact that I could GRIND with a guy is a huge improvement for me.

Oh! and if you remember that I had been saying that I knew that I was losing weight baised on my clothes. When I weighed myself last night, I was 165. So I lost 10lbs on the trip. I was really hoping I would lose more, but at least I lost something rather than gaining weigh like everyone else on the trip.

Ahhhh. Now that I'll be getting my check on wednesday, I really wanna buy myself this:

What do yall think? Does anyone have an opinion on e-Readers?

Any whozle :P

I won't take up any more time.

Until later,

p.s. I want to make a shout out to "Bya". Thank you so much for reading my blog. It means so much to have people that are supportive me while I'm here for yall too.