My Life's Scrapbook

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Long time no see

I am in the midst of finals week :S
So much freaking stress!!!!!!!!!

I freaking hate myself soo much.

Yesterday I binged, not because I was hungry from restricting, but because I just hate myself THAT much. It's really hard to explain...

My mother is always fucking yelling at me in the morning that I make her late and the I don't rush. FUCK HER! She doesn't know what the fuck my fast and slow is. It fucking frustrates me so much! I usually end up cutting in the morning before school.

I feel so fucking pathetic... I'm sitting outside my classroom what i'm gonna have a final in at noon and I'm watching thinspo!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... I just want to fucking die. My body hurts. It feels like I've been beaten but i think it's because my bones are getting closer to the surface and when i sleep they press on my skin. but i'm fucking HUGE! i don't understand it! Last time I checked I weighed 160, but the batteries are dead in the scale so I have no fucking clue what I weigh now. Feels like I've gained 6028204 lbs by just thinking about food. ugh

(I'm sorry this whole message is so random, but I'm tired (4-5 hrs per night) ... haven't eaten in 14 hours [really want to hold this fast out for at least 24hrs] and my brain is just messed up.)

Hoping i die soon,
-TheInvisibleDisorderedOne

2 comments:

Della said...

Nice to hear from you again! I'm really sorry you're so stressed and angry and frustrated. Obviously that doesn't make it better, but I don't know... sometimes just knowing that someone cares can help you out, just a bit.

On another note, would you mind if I posted a link to your blog in my blog? I only have a couple of followers, but maybe some of them could start reading and supporting you. Besides, you're probably tired of just me commenting =)

InvisibleDisorderedOne said...

Sorry for never replying nut I JUST noticed that people actually care and comment (all this time I had been waiting for a email notification)

I EPICLY FAIL!

I would never get tired of your comments. You are to witty for that :)
And that would be amazing if you put the link *hugs*