My Life's Scrapbook

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry F*$&ing Christmas


Today had been okay up to the last 5 minutes.

I was inspired to create my own blog after reading Kat's (a code name) "TheQuestForPerfection". I'll admit that I haven't been on in a while, and when I logged on I see that she had some post.

I clicked and got the message that the page no longer exist...
I did it again
and again
just to get the same message.

i think I have slight abandonment issues. I would follow this girl and read what she had to say pretty much with an obsession. I felt like she was one of the few people that would understand me.

Right now I feel... alone, used, abandoned.

Fuck you if you think I sound "emo" and need to just "get over it". This girl was a cyber friend that knows EXACTLY how I feel. From cutting to anorexia and bulimia.

I felt like I might have been on the track of recovery.
Now.... now I feel like I'm slipping.

Where, you ask?
I don't know. but it doesn't feel good.
Anorexia is fucking screaming in my head...



therearebones said...

i know the feeling! :(

Anonymous said...

I understand that you're upset, but Kat doesn't owe you anything. According to what she wrote in her moved blog (which was later deleted) her sister, who Kat was living with and who is a recovered anorexic, found the blog and threatened to kick her out if she didn't delete the blog. She says its possible that she may start a new, more anonymous blog, but no one really knows. She doesn't "have" to blog if it's affecting her family dynamic so negatively.

I'm sorry that you're slipping back into anorexia. I really, really am. But please, don't blame Kat. She doesn't deserve it.

(= said...

hi. i just started reading/following your blog. i found it from Kat's. I feel the exact same way, trust me.. she gave me "hope" or at least, something like it. I would read her posts and think "okay, i think i can make it today.." now, i don't know, i feel like i did when i was actually alone. i think i can make it though. i think you can too.