My Life's Scrapbook

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

What is this... 2 post in 2 days?!?! Scandalous!

Hey today I was thinking: how far would you go to protect your eating disorder?

I make up a lot of hypothetical situations and conversations in my head. (Crazy much?)
What are the chances someone sees one of my scars and questions me? Granted, I would deny it at first, but I'm not deathly afraid of the truth getting out. (Plus, my parents confronted me once last year, but haven't mentioned it since. I think they think I don't do it anymore.)

On the other hand, if someone ask me if I purge or restrict on purpose, I WOULD LIE MY ASS OFF! I will make up excuses, get emotional, show them that I am not thin let them know I am not sickly thin (obviously I'm huge) ect. Maybe it is because because I am not at my goal weight. (will I reach out for help then?) but then I start to panic because I'm afraid I'll just get fat again...

I would admit to self injuring before admitting to an eating disorder. A year ago I would have NEVER even thought that I would have something worse than cutting... How the times have changed.

Why can't I just be like my best friend who is INCREDIBLY thin, but she eats a TON! *sigh*

-TheInvisiblyDisorderedOne

3 comments:

Andy said...

I've found that the more I try to protect my eating disorder, the more obvious it is.

There are certain people who know that I simply cannot lie to.

Well one person.

However, to protect my mother I would go to great distances to keep her from knowing my eating disorder is back.

It would kill her.

Andy.

BlAnCh said...

AHHH!!! do we all have this same friend!?
the one who eats chocolate all the time and still looks like a russian gymnast! super unfair :(

and i dont know which im more ashamed of... the eating or cutting... theyre both pretty ill-recieved

Della said...

WHAT?! I totally thought I commented on this already! But I guess I didn't.

If someone found out about my ED or cutting... let's just say things would not be pretty. I would deny everything, cry excessively, scream at everyone, and morph into an hostile, angry bitch, honest to God.

Especially because my friends joke about cutting and eating disorders all the time... not really something that makes me want to confess.

Besides, I don't tell people things, ever, in real life. I would literally make myself sick knowing that everyone thought of me as "the bulimic girl" who's not even that skinny.

Okay, I need to stop talking about this, I'm getting stressy.

And yes, most of my friends seem to be the ones that can eat everything and not gain a penny's weight. Grrr.

Love you... Vizzy (heehee)

Della