It takes locking myself in the library in order for me to finish a paper. Now I know. I did this last night because as my first trimester in college is winding down the laws of disproportional work load has had an effect once again. All the work seems to have ended up in the last part of the term rather than the middle when I basically had nothing to do but read for class.
Oh well. I just have 3 papers (2 of which are in spanish), and 2 test separating me and my home in Texas. Can't wait to be back in my familiar coolish Texas winters rather than this colder Illinois climate. It's really not that bad, but I'll just have to REALLY get used to it fast when I get back after break. That's when snow will be covering everything and I'll have to force myself to go out into the snow to go to classes next term :/ (It is possible that that may be the first term where I may or may not skip classes... don't judge me. I haven't had to deal with snow in 15 years.)
Anywho, I'm gonna try to work on these spanish essays then go to my dorm and watch Little Miss Sunshine because it is my favorite movie and will motivate me to finish this term strong.
P.s. went to the gym and feel amazing (I absolutely love regularly going to the gym because I get so many of my aggressions and frustrations out that way which means I've hardly self injured this term Yay! And I can actually start to see the muscle definition in my arms after 10 weeks of pretty consistent strength training along with my cardio.)
Until later,
- Vizzy
Monday, November 14, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Hello there,
Random news, just got some snow boots. I think that means that my feet won't die when it starts snowing here at college. I'll be miserable still... but have warm feet.
You win some and you lose some :/
Well on an exciting note I only have 15 days until I fly home! Only thing stopping me is:
- 1 paper for my mandatory freshman class
- 1 paper, 2 projects for spanish and 1 exam for spanish
- 1 lab, 1 paper, and 1 exam for psychology
SO MUCH! I'll just try to keep the end in mind...
How have all of you been doing? Only a couple have been updating your blogs so TELL ME! "I wanna know! Can you show me?" (can you guess the song reference?)
Any who... I should get some work done.
Until next time,
-Vizzy
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Besides dying tomorrow
Well once again Harold Camping has made his new and improved calculations for the rapture happening tomorrow.
Yippie! ... *That was sarcasm*
In a way, I kinda wish I could just be taken away in the rapture. I am so tired. Not exactly physically or mentally tired, but emotionally. Not only does tomorrow bring about the end of the world *allegedly*, but it brings my fucking birthday.
Do I care about getting older, not really *yet*, it's just that life makes it's way of going down hill for the rest of the year. It's fucking clockwork. EVERY. YEAR.
In my head I'm planning strategic cutting places cause I know it'll most likely come to that. (p.s. I cut last monday after being clean for about 16 weeks -__-)
Does the rest of the world live like this? This can't be a normal life, because why would anyone go through this?
-Vizzy
Yippie! ... *That was sarcasm*
In a way, I kinda wish I could just be taken away in the rapture. I am so tired. Not exactly physically or mentally tired, but emotionally. Not only does tomorrow bring about the end of the world *allegedly*, but it brings my fucking birthday.
Do I care about getting older, not really *yet*, it's just that life makes it's way of going down hill for the rest of the year. It's fucking clockwork. EVERY. YEAR.
In my head I'm planning strategic cutting places cause I know it'll most likely come to that. (p.s. I cut last monday after being clean for about 16 weeks -__-)
Does the rest of the world live like this? This can't be a normal life, because why would anyone go through this?
-Vizzy
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Had an "experience"
Well, at my college we have a union board that likes to provide the students with things to do on some weekend. For example we've had bands play, talent shows, a step africa group. It's really fun usually; however, todays activity was just... very very interesting.
Tonight (well saturday the 15th) we had a paranormal investigator come and speak. His talk was really cool and informative. Then the first 40 people there got to go on a "ghost tour" with him after (needless to say I and my friends were in that 40). We visited the basement of a building and got to hear some spirits, but that wasn't as mind blowing as visiting the old jail.
In the Old Jail, we were mainly trying to contact one guy that was known to have hung himself while imprisoned. A lot of the responses were surprisingly clear answers to questions the investigator asked and even we asked. Then other spirits started talking through the recording. (Note that we gave NO information to the guy beforehand)
Well some spirits had things to say to some of us on the tour. One girls father who passed away because of a heart attack talked to her. Even one of my suite mates had a cousin that committed suicide and he was saying hi to her mother and that he felt stupid for killing himself.
I kept thinking that I wanted to talk to my grandpa because I still carry a lot of guilt for never getting to really know him and say goodbye. It wasn't until after he died that I learned how much he loved and protected me even when I wasn't aware of it (that REALLY makes me feel like shit and hate myself). Like I said I couldn't get the courage to ask to talk to my grandpa, but I heard my name! (If you know my name, you will know that it is not a normal name you hear everyday.) I also know I heard a lot of spanish which was basically all my grandpa could speak. So I think he was trying to talk to me, but just like his dying days... I let fear get the best of me.
When I walked out, my friend asked what was wrong in spanish and I couldn't help but break down. I don't know if I necessarily believe in all of it, but how can you explain me HEARING my name? Wow. It has definitely been one very eye opening experience and if forced me to once again think about all the shit I still carry from the death of my grandpa. I really miss him...
Has anyone else ever had an experience like this or do you not believe it? I am having some difficulty really trying to process it all.
- Vizzy
p.s. Some of the spirits were very sassy and funny. At one point the paranormal investigator asked if there were any spirits that wanted to cross over and why the guy who hung himself hadn't already crossed. new thing you hear on the device is "He's waiting for the rapture, you dick!" OMG! Some spirits have AMAZING senses of humor!
Tonight (well saturday the 15th) we had a paranormal investigator come and speak. His talk was really cool and informative. Then the first 40 people there got to go on a "ghost tour" with him after (needless to say I and my friends were in that 40). We visited the basement of a building and got to hear some spirits, but that wasn't as mind blowing as visiting the old jail.
In the Old Jail, we were mainly trying to contact one guy that was known to have hung himself while imprisoned. A lot of the responses were surprisingly clear answers to questions the investigator asked and even we asked. Then other spirits started talking through the recording. (Note that we gave NO information to the guy beforehand)
Well some spirits had things to say to some of us on the tour. One girls father who passed away because of a heart attack talked to her. Even one of my suite mates had a cousin that committed suicide and he was saying hi to her mother and that he felt stupid for killing himself.
I kept thinking that I wanted to talk to my grandpa because I still carry a lot of guilt for never getting to really know him and say goodbye. It wasn't until after he died that I learned how much he loved and protected me even when I wasn't aware of it (that REALLY makes me feel like shit and hate myself). Like I said I couldn't get the courage to ask to talk to my grandpa, but I heard my name! (If you know my name, you will know that it is not a normal name you hear everyday.) I also know I heard a lot of spanish which was basically all my grandpa could speak. So I think he was trying to talk to me, but just like his dying days... I let fear get the best of me.
When I walked out, my friend asked what was wrong in spanish and I couldn't help but break down. I don't know if I necessarily believe in all of it, but how can you explain me HEARING my name? Wow. It has definitely been one very eye opening experience and if forced me to once again think about all the shit I still carry from the death of my grandpa. I really miss him...
Has anyone else ever had an experience like this or do you not believe it? I am having some difficulty really trying to process it all.
- Vizzy
p.s. Some of the spirits were very sassy and funny. At one point the paranormal investigator asked if there were any spirits that wanted to cross over and why the guy who hung himself hadn't already crossed. new thing you hear on the device is "He's waiting for the rapture, you dick!" OMG! Some spirits have AMAZING senses of humor!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Illusion or reality
Life without a scale is driving me fucking crazy. Since being in college from the end of August to now, I haven't weighed myself.
I'm looking at myself in the mirror and just seeing all this nastiness of my body grow. I don't know if my mind is just doing it or if I am getting fatter. I feel like shit when I can't exercise at the school's gym. Ugh! I need release. I just need to get better.
Better at school
better looking
a better friend
a better roommate
a better student
i'm just not good enough...
I'm looking at myself in the mirror and just seeing all this nastiness of my body grow. I don't know if my mind is just doing it or if I am getting fatter. I feel like shit when I can't exercise at the school's gym. Ugh! I need release. I just need to get better.
Better at school
better looking
a better friend
a better roommate
a better student
i'm just not good enough...
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
College makes life so much more busy. Kind really sucks. Plus I have a job as one of the students that calls alumni to donate money to the school :S
Well I hope all of yall have been doing better than me cause let me tell you... I got assigned my first big paper Friday then purged twice... Fucking fantastic right? No, the answer is no.
Blah... I'm just scared shitless of failure. I just feel like I suck at everything. I'm not an attention seeker that most think of, but more in the normal girl way. Wah I mean is that I want guys to fucking notice me and just find me attractive. I feel fucking ugly that it doesn't help to have the world agreeing with me, you know? Fuck.
I'm tired and working on homework (a.k.a. Fuck ton of reading which I fear will not stay in my brain past tonight.)
Does any of this even make sense? I don't even know anything anymore.
Well I hope all of yall have been doing better than me cause let me tell you... I got assigned my first big paper Friday then purged twice... Fucking fantastic right? No, the answer is no.
Blah... I'm just scared shitless of failure. I just feel like I suck at everything. I'm not an attention seeker that most think of, but more in the normal girl way. Wah I mean is that I want guys to fucking notice me and just find me attractive. I feel fucking ugly that it doesn't help to have the world agreeing with me, you know? Fuck.
I'm tired and working on homework (a.k.a. Fuck ton of reading which I fear will not stay in my brain past tonight.)
Does any of this even make sense? I don't even know anything anymore.
Friday, September 2, 2011
I'm in my dorm
In case you don't subscribe to me on YouTube, I just wanted you all to know that I have now moved in. The room is still kinda a mess because I haven't had time to go to the mail room and get my HUGE boxes of all my shit I mailed to the school. I just have my clothes folded under my bed :/ I'm hoping to get my stuff tomorrow so I can finally hang my clothes and have all my other random crap.
I hope you are all well, but I'm gonna make this extremely short cause I'm tired.
Night!
-Vizzy
I hope you are all well, but I'm gonna make this extremely short cause I'm tired.
Night!
-Vizzy
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Sleep eating
Ever been asleep and eaten something in your dream. It's usually something that the majority of us put on a "no-no" list, but bam! There it is in gluttonous quantity in your dream world.
You put said food to your mouth, and eat it.
Never can really remember what happens in the dream before or after that. Some reason though, I feel disgust and regret when I wake up. Crazy I know!
"How could dream Vizzy just be so weak and stupid."
Just a though I have had of reason that I felt some of you could relate to.
-Vizzy
You put said food to your mouth, and eat it.
Never can really remember what happens in the dream before or after that. Some reason though, I feel disgust and regret when I wake up. Crazy I know!
"How could dream Vizzy just be so weak and stupid."
Just a though I have had of reason that I felt some of you could relate to.
-Vizzy
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Sliding down the rabbit hole
From a 14 week purge free spree, to me failing just 1 hour ago for the 2nd time in 5 days.
Houston, we have a problem, and I'm going down fast...
-Vizzy
Houston, we have a problem, and I'm going down fast...
-Vizzy
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