My Life's Scrapbook

Sunday, November 27, 2011


I've been home for about  5 days... and now I've binged and purged.

Fuck gaining weight at college. NO! I lost weight in college, but here I am back home. Fucking weak as I've ever been just binging and purging. My family is just in the living room oblivious to what is hiding in the closet...

I'm a pathetic human being.
I disgust myself.
I hate myself.

 "I am the broken
I am the bruised
I am the poor ones
I have been used"


PerfectingMyEmptiness said...

oh my...sweetie, please calm have to keep your head high and not let them see your bruised soul, they don't know they why's and the when's.
You cannot blame them for not noticing what you have been hiding...
keep hanging on and know that i will always be besides you.

Holly said...

i love you even when you hate yourself :) you have sisters on here to hold your heart through these times.

Peridot (G+P) said...


Humans are creatures of habit. When we are in certain surroundings, we carry out the actions we most often do in those surroundings. At Uni you set yourself good new habits of exercise and not B/Ping. Sadly, at home your brain is still set in the patterns you were in last time you were there. (Why I don't want to move back in with my parentals. I wouldn't live out the year)


Know the operations of the human animal, know what your habits are and where your behaviours are worst and you're already closer to fixing them than when you didn't.

Vizzy vizzy vizzy I love you so much and we are definitely going to hang out one day. Either you come here and brave the cold or I suck up my unreasoning terror of the USA's gun-toting airport weirdos and come see you. Got any good wool shops in your area?

HANG IN THERE. This shit too, will pass. Remember that not matter how slow you think you're making progress, you're still lapping everyone who is sitting on the track wondering WTF is going on.

(Mixed metaphors, but you get the idea?)



PerfectingMyEmptiness said...

i wish we lived near each other...i need you now...

Peridot (G+P) said...

Ugh, tell me about it! I pretty much never go anywhere because in order to get ANYWHERE but here I have to hop on a plane for a minimum of 7 hours -.- There are times when living in an island nation can be a real pain in the ass.

Lol, you need to understand your brain in order to beat it. Deep down we're all still stick-sharpening monkeys at best. The problem is finding the energy to stomp on that monkey every time it tries to wiggle out of line. After a while it becomes second nature, but you have to work at it until it does.

Ugh, fuck work!

I hope your holidays are going well. Take care of yourself and stay warm!


Claire said...

Don't be so hard on yourself hun! You can do this, try to eat large quantities of veggies- that always helps me kill the binges.
Hope you feel better soon! xxx

Peridot (G+P) said...

I NEVER buy my friend's kids noisy toys for that exact reason. I'm the person in the toy aisle pushing the buttons on the toy cars until I find the one with flat batteries ;) If it never made a noise in the first place, they'll never know!

Ok, I'll learn and do youtube videos of my shitty playing XD Need to get a video file compressor first >.<

Hope you're well! Are you warm enough? The hat is coming very very slowly, I'm so sorry!

Love you <3