So today began normal enough.
Woke up, made a little oatmeal, went to school.
At school everything was normal until about noon. All the teachers were told something, but did not tell us. They were all acting very strange.
After lunch the faculty called us all in to a room to tell us something. It began with a prayer by the head of school and then he broke the news. A sophomore student's father had "suddenly died". (That was his phrasing) We were in there because he wanted to tell us that as a community we are all going to have to be there for her when she gets back.
Now, I don't know her or have ever met her, but I still feel so sorry for her lose; however, you can see that there is nothing connecting us. That was until I found out what "sudden death" meant. I just assumed he had a heart attack or something, but he really committed suicide. I found out from a guy who's father was friends with the decease.
BAM! That really hit me.
I have never attempted to commit suicide, but I have consider it too many times. Sometimes everything is so crippling that it truly seems like one of two options: to be or not to be.
"To be or not to be, that is the question."
I hope none of you have ever asked yourselves that question, but I fear I'm not alone. I can only speak from experience, but I know how it feels to be drowning.
I know how it feels to be alone.
I know how it feels to just want all the suffering to end.
I know how it feels to think no one will care when you're gone.
But what I never thought about because I had never experienced it is how that decision "not to be" impacts EVERYONE. Even people you don't know nor have ever met.
Some people cried, some were numb,and some empathized. All in all, this news has changed us all. I never completely thought how my action could potentially bring sadness to those I love and care about. That is never what I intended and I'm sure that girl's father never wanted to sadden his family.
Even in the pit of suffering, we never want pain for others. Just think.