My Life's Scrapbook

Friday, April 15, 2011

Long time no blog huh... sorry (If you actually care. It not... whatever.)

Soooooo. Time has been more of it's hating self. I'm sliding deeper and deeper in to a depression of self loathing and apathy.

If I died tomorrow it wouldn't matter. Nothing fucking matters or has value if it has to do with me.

Hell even colleges don't want me enough. It's evident that they haven't giving me enough scholarship. THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I CAN AFFORD TO PAY FOR IT. I'm poor, my family is poor.

I don't know what to do....

The only thing I seem to do on a regular basis is cut, and please others....

Fuck it all.


PerfectingmyEmptiness said...

how do you dare to question whether i care or not? of course i do, i am sorry i haven't been there for you...i am sorry i wasn't there for you to lift you up and not let you slide even deeper into depression...please believe me when i say that i love you with all my heart..I Am Sorry

Peridot (G+P) said...

Oi! I DO CARE! I've missed you.

Things to do with you do matter. Those Unis are just retarded. Take a gap year or something until they come to their senses :)

Please forgive me for being AWOL on commenting, I do read but often have no words.

Arohanui *Cuddles*

InvisibleDisorderedOne said...

I know you both are faithful readers and wonderful women so I knew yall would care. My top comment was dismissing people that just happen to stumble across the blog.

I love you.

@Peridot (G+P)
Right now i'm applying (late :S) two other school in hopes that they may accept me, and that they may give bigger financial aid. Other than that I may just have to go to one of the others and just have a shit load of debt once I graduate.

Jenny said...

I'm sorry to hear that you are depressed and not doing well. I know what it is like to not be wanted by colleges. I ended up having to take a year off. Maybe you could do that. I don't know.
I wish, for you, that you could just put some of the energy you use to please others into doing something to please yourself.
I know that's hard.
<3 Jenny