Happy New Years Eve Eve

Well how are all of you enjoying your time off?

Well, everyone knows that this a time of change. A time to start new and fresh.
Well, my resolution is to get control over my binges.

Now I'm not the type of person to make resolutions because I don't like to set myself up for failure, but this needs to be done.
Over this holiday season, the scale says I have gained TEN POUNDS.

UGH!

But now it is time to change it all.
I WILL REACH MY GOAL WEIGHT BEFORE 2010 IS OVER!

Join my with whatever resolutions you are going to make.
Feel free to message or comment.

-TheInvisibleDisorderedOne

Merry F*$&ing Christmas

Ok...

Today had been okay up to the last 5 minutes.

I was inspired to create my own blog after reading Kat's (a code name) "TheQuestForPerfection". I'll admit that I haven't been on in a while, and when I logged on I see that she had some post.

I clicked and got the message that the page no longer exist...
I did it again
and again
just to get the same message.

i think I have slight abandonment issues. I would follow this girl and read what she had to say pretty much with an obsession. I felt like she was one of the few people that would understand me.

Right now I feel... alone, used, abandoned.

Fuck you if you think I sound "emo" and need to just "get over it". This girl was a cyber friend that knows EXACTLY how I feel. From cutting to anorexia and bulimia.

*sigh*
I felt like I might have been on the track of recovery.
Now.... now I feel like I'm slipping.

Where, you ask?
I don't know. but it doesn't feel good.
Anorexia is fucking screaming in my head...

-TheInvisibleDisorderedOne

Long time no see

I am in the midst of finals week :S
So much freaking stress!!!!!!!!!

I freaking hate myself soo much.

Yesterday I binged, not because I was hungry from restricting, but because I just hate myself THAT much. It's really hard to explain...

My mother is always fucking yelling at me in the morning that I make her late and the I don't rush. FUCK HER! She doesn't know what the fuck my fast and slow is. It fucking frustrates me so much! I usually end up cutting in the morning before school.

I feel so fucking pathetic... I'm sitting outside my classroom what i'm gonna have a final in at noon and I'm watching thinspo!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... I just want to fucking die. My body hurts. It feels like I've been beaten but i think it's because my bones are getting closer to the surface and when i sleep they press on my skin. but i'm fucking HUGE! i don't understand it! Last time I checked I weighed 160, but the batteries are dead in the scale so I have no fucking clue what I weigh now. Feels like I've gained 6028204 lbs by just thinking about food. ugh

(I'm sorry this whole message is so random, but I'm tired (4-5 hrs per night) ... haven't eaten in 14 hours [really want to hold this fast out for at least 24hrs] and my brain is just messed up.)

Hoping i die soon,
-TheInvisibleDisorderedOne