My Life's Scrapbook

Friday, August 28, 2009

Utter Regret

I'm sorry for not posting in a while, but i started school 8/19/07. Ugh...

I have been so busy is absolutely fucking ridiculous! I hate that place so much! I swear if I never went to that school I wouldn't be the way I am know. All my "bad habbits"... fuck it I'm gonna be honest. All my disordered ways seem to have sprung up ever since I have been going to that school. It's my own hell on earth.
No I'm not one of those kids that just hate school because of the homework, it's just the HUGE 5 hour a night amount and all the fake people there.
Let me see... I ended up cutting a last week... Purged this past wednesday... binged tonight. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! I was doing soooo good today (as in my anorexic side was taking over) then i got home and would not stop fucking eating. Even as I sit here typing I feel huge and disgusting. I abhor everything about me. I have been trying to stop purging (hadn't done it in a 2 weeks before 2 days ago), but when the binge mode shut off in my brain it had already been to long to purge. (God, but I still want to...)

I'm gonna get on the treadmill and pray to God I don't gain weight...

p.s. Before I go I want to mention I finally was able to get Tricks by Ellen Hopkins. She's my favorite author (I have met her twice) and she has written all of my favorite books. I'll tell you how it is.

I pray that yall are in better health,

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