My Life's Scrapbook

Monday, August 3, 2009

8/3/09 Introductions


Well this is the first time I have written my own blog. There's something very... releasing about it. Seeing as this is the first installment of "Words from a Sufferer", I should give an introduction.

Hi, *awkward laugh*
I am 16. Like many men and women, I am a self injurer and also have an undiagnosed eating disorder. I started cutting when I was about 14, I think. My school is a very stressful place and I suppose I just learned the wrong way to cope. Now my parents do know that I "used to" cut (My mom confronted me once), but it seems that they think I have stopped. Even when they "talked" to me about it, they just dismissed. We've never been that close, so even with the chance to talk to them, my brain and heart have stopped trying. I've been emotionally hurt too many times that I no longer like to open up to people.
Now my food issues. :S

I have always had issues with food. I've been a fat ass ever since I could remember. Fuck, it couldn't have helped that I have no self-esteem either. Well, in about sophomore year, the tides changed between me and food. I began to loath it. I used the food as something I can control when I can't control how many test I have or the amount of homework assigned. Then this year, I went on a vacation during my easter break and had my first binge-purge cycle.
I had been restricting pretty heavily then, and I just walked into my grandmothers kitchen. For some reason she had girl scout cookies (Caramel delights) ((This is strange because there are no girl scouts in Mexico)). I ended up eating all that she had left in the box (about 10 cookies). I felt so disgusted with myself that I went to the restroom and... well you know.

*Exhale and wipes forehead* Wow. You now know even more than my best friend.
I'll keep you updated.


1 comment:

featherlight said...

Hi, just started following your blog - yes I'm 3 yrs behind :)