Last night after downloading all of Maria Mena's songs, I just lied in bed listening to it.
Then When my parents left for work I got on the treadmill for an hour.
God, I just feel guilty for eating. I fucking hate this! I wish I could live with out food (like forever so I couldn't die because I don't eat). I kinda had the urge to purge, but I held strong and just did a workout video on youtube I like.
I really want to just fast, but living with parents doesn't make that easy. :( Also, this saturday I have this luncheon I have to go to. My being a vegetarian will really make it more "normal" why I won't be fucking pigging out like everyone else. It really scares me though. (And I deal with anxiaty by cutting) I did confess to my purging when I just began to my bff, but haven't after that. I don't know if she knows how much it really triggers me. No matter how much I eat, if it isn't lettuce, I'll feel like shit for eating it.
I'm I alone in this struggle?