My Life's Scrapbook

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Doing something I haven't in a while

Oh hello there...  Nice yo see you in this neighborhood. *spring up Mr. Roger's tv show theme music*

Okay. I'll make a list of things that I intend to put here now so that I won't forget anything.
- Me and a gentleman caller
- Weight
- My attempt at recovery

1) Me and the gentleman caller ()
     Okay, I'll start with possibly the thing that most of you couldn't give two fucks about. I respect that, but if you do happen to want to know about my personal attempt at a love life (bahahaha... I am pathetic), then continue with this section.
     Well if you don't remember the guy that I told you back in the entry titled DONE! you can go there to get to see how this began a few months ago. Well any who, I think i have forgot to mention, but after he left to go back to Africa for summer vacation we weren't into much contact. I mean we would probably speak through Facebook chat once a week at the most. It was always impromptu but cool never the less. Quite honestly I didn't know what I should be thinking about him. I mean, am I just making most of the interest up in my head, or does he actually have interest in ME?

     Weeeeeelllll, on monday, all the athletes got to go back to my university to begin practicing for 3 weeks before the rest of us just go for classes. Well guess who surprises me with a text when he's back in the states? That's right, that same guy. (this is getting weird to call him "the guy"... I'll give him the fake name of Jay). Yup, so whenever he has free time from soccer practice he text me (so usually it's just for like an hour before he goes to bed).

     Should I be excited? I mean he's already said that we need to hangout and I agree, but it freaks me out. My friends always ask me how I feel about him, and honestly I don't know. I have NEVER felt good enough for anybody, so now having this possibility. It scares the fuck out of me.

well... 2 and a half more weeks until I get on campus and get to see what happens O_O

2 & 3) My weight and recovery (attempts)
     I would love to say that I have lost the last 40lbs that have kept me from my goal weight, but I have not. I have actually been at the same weight since I left school and flew back home for vacation. :/ I have been working out like a mad woman. Running 3 times a week, strength training and pilates on the days that I am not running. My eating has been awesome. Hardly any junk however.....

(this is where the recovery attempt comes in)

I have been at this same weight since my last year of high school (and that was with working out and restricting myself to 300 calories). I truly believe that I have fucked my metabolism up REALLY badly.
Therefor, I have decided that I am SLOWLY upping my calorie intake until it is at a healthy level.

Now, we all know that simply "eating more" will NOT fix my head. TRUST ME IT DOESN'T! It is so hard, but I am slowly trying this. (No one other than yall know about my food issues, so I am going solo on this whole "recovery" thing). I probably need to see a counselor to really get at the depth of my issues, but for now I don't have that. All I have is a recovery workbook online, and my slow calorie increases.

Results? (I started this "recovery" on the beginning of June)

Eating more and doing pilates has really helped me to tone. I have not lost weight on the scale, but I see more muscle that refused to get there before.

So I don't know how this is going to last when I go back to university and have stress and such again, but we will just have to see...

okay... I think that was everything. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to tell me them.
It's 2:30 a.m. so I'm gonna to crash in bed now.

Until next time,


Peridot (G+P) said...

Ooooooooh Invizzy and Jay sitting in a tree, throwing waterbombs at people? :p

Take it as it goes. Spend some time with him and see what happens. Just be honest with yourself about your emotionals. If you do/don't/areundecided about feelings for him. Be honest, k? Still give it a chance, don't let BrainShit tell you you're unowrthy. Question REALLY is: Is he worthy of you?

Youch, it does sound like you may have crashed your metabolism quite badly. The muscle building and increasing intake should help counter that. (Btw: Muscle weighs more than fat but takes up a LOT less space. You could have gained pounds but lost inches. Remember the scale only shows your numerical relationship with gravity and NOT your bodycomp and health!)

Keep any good habits you've gained and try to find non-ed ways to deal with stress. Recovery+study is going be to a draining bitch, but so worth it in the end.

Love you tons. Hope you had a good sleep <3

Peridot (G+P) said...

Knitting those pants would be a total pain in the ass! An easier way to do it would be to get a whole bunch of second hand shop jerseys (Sweaters? Jumpers? WHAT DO YOU AMERICANS CALL THEM?!), chop 'em up and sew 'em together in the pattern of your choice. Just be prepared for a LOT of potential fraying and kitchener stitch and darning. Lol, it saves you from having to knit the blasted things and you can make the sections as big or as small as you like.

Omg I think I may have to try that. But I hate sewing. Fuck.

So going op shopping now! Thank you for reminding me. You're awesome!

Love you Vizzy. Look after yourself and stay war, ok?