My Life's Scrapbook

Monday, September 20, 2010

Ever been beaten?

Ok, ok. Weird enough question right. Maybe you have, maybe you haven't. Maybe it was physical, or maybe it was mental.

I'm suffering from the later of the two and it's fucking killing me.

School certainly does know how to rip you open, snatch your soul and rip it into a million irreparable pieces. For me it hasn't happened all at once. No one major event, but rather, constant little ones that just build up.

Nothing i do is good enough. My grades are dropping. For example I have an 80 right now in spanish. I'M FUCKING HALF MEXICAN! I did poorly on the last quiz simply cause I did not even finish reading the sentences. I just conjugated a random word.

Also this morning was kind of bad. I was driving to school, about to get there when my sister text me to tell me she forgot her gym bag in the car. I had to go back and take it to her. This caused ME to be late. I'M FUCKING PAYING THE PRICE FOR HER STUPIDITY! It's infuriating. I kept hitting my leg with my phone cause obviously one can't cut and drive at the same time.

Now I'm not one to bruise easily AT ALL, but I actually have a bruise from hitting myself. That should give you an idea of that....

*ugh* Now I'm in a numbness. I really feel like just giving up. I've been mentally beaten by school, family, the scale, ect. so many times. I'm tired of having to get up after being pushed down constantly. I'm sick of it

Giving up by Ingrid Michaelson
I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up

2 comments:

Perfecting my Emptiness said...

you are soooooooooooo not giving up on your beliefs b/c some frustrated people are trying to mentally beat you...you are a strong woman...keep it for fucking sake that way...you want all of them, to enjoy your misery?they use words, expressions to mentally beat you?you don't have to use anything, just show them who you really are...be strong if not fore yourself, do it maybe... for me? *insert puppydogeyes*
love you, never forget me, never leave me alone, promise?
"PerfectingMyEmptiness"

Charlie said...

Don't don't DON'T you dare ever give up!
You are stronger than any of these fucking assholes, and I know it. I'm sick of being pushed down too; it feels like every time I get a chance to breathe, someone shoves another thing at me to stress over.

We'll get through it, no doubt.

<3