blah blah... *usual excuse for my absence*... blah blah

Been some time, but it's not you. Even my own personal journal only gets occasional entries.

This summer has been going well. Really have been enjoying one of my last "responsibility free-ish" summers I will have.

After my summer courses, I was able to visit two good college friends whom I hadn't seen since graduating undergrad. It was awesome to get to see them in how they live now.

Other than that I have been relishing in being back home for the majority of the summer hanging out with my family and best friend.

I fly back out in 5 days to finish up my last year of graduate school. Where has the time gone?!?! I know this year will be tough and very academically demanding, but then I will be DONE! I have no plans for more school. I just wanna get out in the world with my masters in social work and start to give back and really make a difference, even if it is just in one person's life.

-Vizzy

Stream of Consciousness Update (2 years overdue)

Yo....


So, it's been like 2 years or something since I've last posted an entry on this blog. Holy shit!

How you been, reader? You good? I know we haven't been talking much and I apologize, but you know... sometimes life just happens and puts you on a different course with new normals. Unfortunately, blogging hasn't been one of my regular activities for a while now, and I can't promise to be super active again. However, I would like to be on here periodically. Maybe I'll set the goal of one entry a month to test the waters.

idk, We'll see.

So, how have I been? Man, that's a loaded question. So much has happened and I'm at such a different point in my life.

- I've graduated undergrad
- Did another summer internship in the east coast with kids with mental disorders
- Got accepted to all the grad schools I applied to
- Started my 2yr social work graduate studies at Boston College
- Moved from undergrad (Illinois) to grad school (Massachusetts)
- Visited my fam and friends in Texas over breaks

Yea... I've had some big fucking life transitions since I've last blogged. It's been fucking real as fuck! There are aspects of my life now that I love and aspects that I look forward to just moving past for instance: I love getting to learn about social work and therapy and trauma (basically just learning about all the real struggles that people go through and how to help them). HOWEVER, I'm not a fan of having the stress of papers and conceptualizing all this vast knowledge I've learned into some pages of text just to prove that I've learned. Fuck that academia bullshit.

I wanna prove what I've learned in real life. I look forward to working in the field and getting to help people through some of the most difficult times in their lives.

So yeah. That's where I've been, if you've been interested. I've just been trying to learn how to impact people's lives beyond even more than I will ever know. So, no pressure, right?





Anyway... thanks for being with me through this stream-of-consciousness type of talk. Hope you all stay well, and until later...

Peace,
VizzyOne

Wait... who am I?!?!!?!?!?!

This account is still active? Whaaaaaa?

I know I know right.

I suck. Oh well. Keeping things up to date has alway been difficult for me. Apart from facebook and Tumblr, i'm not on the internet world much other than for school work. It's all been bombarding me for the past year and it's just tough to keep afloat. You know?

My classes have been kicking my ass. Friends have been a bit wishy-washy. If I sense that they are getting annoyed or avoiding me, I immediately blame myself for being stupid/weird/ugly/horrible etc. and must punish myself. (My mind is a beautiful bag of fuckery).

ugh. yea.

I'm tired so I'm gonna try to get a few hours of shut eye before I have to get up and be "productive" or some shit :'(


-Vizzy

It's never easy to say goodbye

Well yesterday I had to say goodbye and it was not easy. What's sucks even more is that I know that it won't get any easier.

So if you don't know, or have forgotten, I have been dating my boyfriend J for about 7 months now. We began dating at my college, it was my sophomore year and he was here to study abroad for a year and improve his english. We both came into the relationship VERY honestly and very hesitantly since we knew that his time in the US was limited.

Despite our efforts to not get totally emotionally devoted to one another... we fell in love anyway -_-
I am so in love with him and he makes me happy, makes me sad though that I can't have him with me. Just yesterday he left me. Off back to France. A time difference of 7 hours!

Texting (when he turns his phone back on) might get expensive. Skype is always free, but limited in when we can use it conveniently for both of us. I think every once in a while I will send him a letter through snail mail (just find it to be a little more intimate and shows an extra sign of caring). But nothing can really make up for the closeness of having someone with you. :(

I have kinda been a mess, but hopefully it will get better as time goes on and I continue to talk with J. I hope that coming this winter vacation time I can visit him in France or he can come and visit me in the US.

That is 5 months from now though :'(

Damn.

Plus the research that I am planning to do this summer doesn't look good because the other school I wanted to collect data from denied my proposal. Fuckers! And they didn't even tell me why. Ugh! Whatever. Hopefully my mentor can help me figure out what the fuck to do from this point.

So basically life has been the same and just fucks me over. Damn

- Vizzy

I'm not dead

Not exactly living either...

Now that's some philosophical shit for you to ponder.

How have all of you been? I don't even know how long it has been since I was last on here. Ooops.

Well I have 3 weeks of classes left. This is SO exciting because it kills half of my stress. Then I just have to worry about my research that I am doing this summer. (Don't get me wrong. I'm still freaking out, but I'm trying to do that AND class work, so it will be nice to be done with  the latter.)

On the down side, this means that I only have 3 short weeks with my boyfriend before he leaves the country :(
I don't want to be one of those overly attached girls for a guy, but I do really care for him. I don't know if we'll make it with the distance, but I hope we do.

Oh well, this was just a brief brief update. I'm gonna go to the gym in a bit.

Until next time,
Vizzy

Sexism and the fight for Women's Rights (Abridged)

Watch this video! It's is really eye opening in the fact that we have not progressed that far as a society.

- Vizzy

I could rip my eyes out

     I am so bored! I've been on winter break for the last 4 weeks. Don't get me wrong, I love being able to sleep and not have exams and homework to worry about. However, since my university runs on trimesters, my breaks don't match up well with my friends. This means that for the last 4 weeks I have been prisoner of my home with NOTHING to do.

     You don't even want to know how many hours I have used watching Netflix -__- It's just sad.
My best friend will be getting back tomorrow though, so hopefully I can see her then and if not, then on thursday. Then I'll only be in town for a week before I fly back to school so I can see my beau ^_^

     On a different note, last week I managed to sneak away to the "special lady doctor". I am smart and reasonable. I had been putting off seeing this doctor for a while because I told myself "Well I'll just go once I become sexually active". Well, seeing as I feel of the virginity boat, I knew I had to go.
Also I FEAR with everything in me getting preggers (considering that I never want to have kids of my own, that should let you know just how much I REALLY wouldn't want to get pregnant now). So I went got the exam, and am now on the pill. I just started Ortho TriCyclen Lo on sunday, and so far everything has been okay. I am keeping my eating in check as well as working out to prevent the supposed weight gain that can go along with being on an oral contraceptive.

So yea... this has been my life.... Dull as ever -_-'

Someone please talk to me cause the loneliness during the day is like pulling out my fingernails. So much fun... NOT!

Until next time,
Vizzy

Award time

Wow, I've actually been given an award by Vampire

^_^ Thank you so much, and as with awards there are some things I must do.

The rules:

You post 11 things about yourself

ask 11 questions

tag 11 people with no more than 200 followers

Things about me:

1. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 19.
2. I have a love/hate relationship with pilates, but I do it anyway
3. My major in school is psychology
4. The last weekend in December I am going to visit Chicago with my boyfriend since he has never been.
5. I am a vegetarian.
6. I woke up crying yesterday (first time that ever happened)
7. I have been listening to Mumford and Sons and Lana Del Rey non stop
8. I can't read music, but I wish I could
9. I am really bored on break from college since my college gets out 3 weeks before other schools
10. I am actually considering studying art as my minor to go further with my photography
11. I know that my current relationship most likely has a definitive end date (we both still walked into it never the less -_-')

          My response to Vampire's questions:

1. What is your favorite blog? I haven't had time to really keep up with any because of school :(
2. Who is your role model and why? Angelina Jolie because she is such a good person
3. What's your major in college? (If not in college, what are your interests?) Psychology
4. Favorite alcohol (or drink)? Well it's not legal for me to know this yet, in the US, but it's a tie between tequila and rum *hehe* 
5. Favorite book? Burned by Ellen Hopkins
6. Favorite movie? Little Miss Sunshine
7. Favorite season? Spring
8. Do you like or dislike these "favorite ___" questions? Don't mind them
9. Where do you hang out/spend most of your time? Usually in my room (both at home and college)
10. Where do you want to be in 5 years? In 5 years I hope to be on my way to attaining my PhD in Psychology
11. What is your least favorite color? I'm not the biggest fan of orange

My new questions:

1. Favorite dessert?
2. How old were you when you had your first boyfriend/girlfriend?
3. How many push-ups can you do? 
4. Want kids in the future? If so, how many?
5. Have a Tumblr? If so, wanna share so your readers can follow you?
6. Any special and/or unusual talents?
7. Any imaginary friends when you were young?
8. Which do you prefer, halloween or christmas?
9. Favorite song right now?
10. What would your 13 year old self tell you now?
11. Look to your right, what do you see?

Who I give this award to:

1. Perfecting my Emptiness
2. Alive Anyway
3. I Was A Kaleidoscope
4. Thinner

..... umm I don't follow too many people so if you happen to stumble upon this and want to do it. Go for it :)

Okay, that's it for now.

Until next time,

- Vizzy

I'm not dead

Though y'all probably wouldn't know it unless you follow me on tumblr or we talk in other ways.

Oooooo my God! So much has happened to me in the last 3 months at school that it just makes my head spin. First, like usual, I will say that I am a failure blogger for I suck at blogging at a regular pace, but whatever. I do what I can.

I don't want to take up to much of y'all's lives, so I will keep this post short and sweet and up date y'all on the biggest happening of my life.

Sooo, I have a boyfriend. As in my first boyfriend EVER! Took 20 fucking years to reach this point but finally I am here. Y'all remember in my last post how I was kinda interested in Jay? Yea... Well after all the flirting and talking over the summer, I think he just liked the chance. I don't think he ever was interested in more. Whatever. I'm not gonna say that it didn't hurt, but whatever, I can just focus on being his friend now since I had a different guy to be my beau. ^_^

 Now, I met my current boyfriend at a Halloween party. So romantic right? :P anyway. I was pretty drunk after many rum shots so I said yes when he asked me to dance and even kissed him when he leaned in. Later we stepped out cause he wanted my cell phone number. He tried to get me to go to his dorm with him, but NO, I was out with my roommate and had the keys on me. Plus I wasn't gonna  go with this guy that I just met. He just walked me to my door and that was that.

I wasn't expecting anything more to come out of that night, but he surprised me by calling me the next day. Ever since then we had been texting sporadically. Then closer to the end of the term, hung out a few times (watching movies, talking.... Kissing, yes a lot of good kissing) hehehe

Anywho, he had ALWAYS been very honest with me. I mean on that first night we met, he had told me how he is only studying in America for one year, and that he didn't want a relationship. I completely respected that, but I feel like even so, we began getting closer and closer. On the night before I was going to come back home for winter break, I was with friends, but then left to see him. We went to his room to have some privacy since his roommate was already gone. Long story short... That was my first time having sex and it was wonderful. No not just because it was sex and it feels good, but it was honest. No presence, no show, just two people that like each other.

The next morning I had to get my luggage, so he woke me up since he put an alarm on his phone. We headed to my room and he helped me take my stuff.

Since I got home we had just continued to text and IM on Skype. Then one day the conversation turned to the night we were together. He said "I don't want you sleeping with other guys". I had responded  jokingly with "oh are you just trying to keep me all to yourself?" Well we ended up deciding that we were gonna start dating! (And yes he agreed not to be with other girls, so it's not like he was just trying to limit me. No need to hurt him yet for my honor :P)

I am so excited cause I really do like him, just kinda sad that when we officially start dating, I had just flown back home -_- oh well. We have text and Skype to keep us in touch until I get back in December. I'm gonna go back a bit early so I can hangout with him and we are gonna visit Chicago :)

Soooo yea. My life has changed SO much, but I think it's all for the better.


Until next time,
Vizzy

I am not to be picked up -_-

Okay. HEEEEEEELLLLLLLOOOOO! (-Mrs. Doubtfire reference)

Any who... I am back at school.
Here's a quick recap of this weekends events
Friday
-Going away/birthday (for my parents) party with family

Saturday
-Traveled all morning
-Got here saturday afternoon
-went walmart to pick up some stuff that I needed
-ate dinner with my roomates grandparents (they like me ^_^)
-Unpacked a bit
- hung out with Jay the rest of the night (Will explain this more later in the post)

Sunday
-Woke up for brunch
- got the rest of my crap from storage
- fixed up my room
- helped a friend carry all her stuff from storage
- Went to Pumphandle (a school tradition where you end up shaking ever person's hand in the entire school!)
- Watched a movie on the lawn of the school (The Lorax... it's a really good movie :D)

Now that brings us to today. The first day of classes.  I have only had one so far and one more later in the day. If you are wondering I'm taking Health Psychology, Research Statistics (Psychology), and Photography I.

Now... if you wonder where the title of this entry spawned, well that was when I hung out with Jay. Like I said previously, he has been on campus for a while because of soccer practice. After I unpacked one box I decided to hang out with him because we never got that chance last year... casue I'm a failure at things, but all is well now! We walked around campus a bit and then went to his dorm. We ended up watching this weird movie with HORRENDOUS acting, but it was pretty entertaining in how bad it was XD.

Afterward we just started walking around campus again. It was sooo cold. I have been in hot ass Texas for the past three months so I have to get readjusted to the cooler midwest weather. (It probably didn't help that I was wearing a tank top, shorts, and a cardigan... but that's just what I traveled in and didn't bother changing).

We ended up by the soccer field and just sat on the bench. It was funny though how I could tell he was using excuses to touch me. Like he was trying to "keep me warm" with his arms around me, but he is too thin for that to really work XD. (Hence why my friends refer to him as "Lanky"). But he was hugging me and holding my hand. At one point he was hugging me and decided to pick me up. -_- Do I feel comfortable with this? FUCK NO! I'm a fucking fat ass and he is a fucking bean pole! But NOOOOO! He did it any way -_-.

THEN! at another point he wanted me to sit on him. WHY! GOD WHY!!!! I am not small. I know this fact every time I walk past a mirror or scale. I'm trying to start accept my body, but I am not there yet! No but he just pulled me anyway and was hugging me. I just don't know... I guess I just need more time to process everything. I mean I believe I'm at the point where I can admit to myself that I may like him (and if you know me, admitting anything to myself about my feelings is a BIG fucking step!)

Well, I don't know. I suppose just writing out everything will help me process everything.

Until next time
- Vizzy